


Knowledge does not mean Understanding

by Selene467



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, No Major Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence, Suicide Attempt, healing/recovering, no real logical reason for torture other than simply enjoying it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-15 09:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1300696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selene467/pseuds/Selene467
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a time when Merlin's magic is outed and accepted -something he never thought possible months ago- Arthur is shown that despite knowing how strong Merlin is, he doesn't fully understand -comprehend- just how powerful he truly is. A dangerous conflict in which Merlin all but sacrifices himself to save everyone else, shows Arthur that there is far more to Merlin than he thought possible. Gaius wasn't kidding when he told Arthur that Merlin was the strongest sorcerer ever to have lived.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is currently a quick one-shot, more like a drabble since it's shamefully short. I just wanted to know how it came across to other people and if it's worth writing more about. I don't even know _where _the story might go, so any suggestions are most welcome. For now this is it and I'll leave the story at uncomplete until I figure out where to take it.__
> 
>  
> 
> _  
> _If anyone is here and reads this drabble, please let me know what you think but don't be harsh please. I'm very new to this fandom and thus it's not easy to write in it yet.__  
> 

_  
_

 

It was at that moment that they realized just how powerful Merlin truly was.

  
They'd known of his magic for a time now, long enough to grow comfortable in its presence. Though it still awed them on almost every single encounter -be it something as simple as starting a fire or something as lethal as sending a sword flying through the air aiming straight at the opponents' heart- Merlin's magic was a part of them now, just as much as Merlin was, for he was no mere servant to any of them. First and foremost, he was their friend.

  
So no, they were not surprised at Merlin's capable magic nor his eagerness to face danger to protect everyone else. Merlin had told them and showed them what he could do, ranging from simple spells to powerful enchantments and dangerous magics.  
Merlin could makes objects float or change shape to be something else entirely -he could control swords and other weapons to fly straight at his opponent or break tree branches as thick as Arthur's head and make them fall on enemies heads. He could conjure fire to threaten and invoke fear or simply to light the dark. He could even control the very heavens and call down lightning upon whomever was stupid enough to cross him.

  
But Merlin did neither of those things this time. One moment a raging inferno came crashing through the air burning everything in its path and beyond, hellbent on reaching them, engulfing them, destroying them. And Merlin, he simply pushed his way to the front of the group and raised his right hand towards the fire and just as Arthur regained enough sense to realize Merlin's dying predicament -the fool, always sacrificing himself- the fire reached his hand.

  
Arthur froze, dread filling his body, his mind listening to the agonizing screams of his best friend writhing as the flames engulfed and burned his body- but none of that happened.

  
Arthur watched in stunned disbelieve -and from the gasps around him he gathered his knights weren't fairing much better- as the raging fire seemed to collide with Merlin's hand as if slamming into a tremendous wall. The flames parted, smoothing to either side and bursting in the new direction it was forced. An almost golden air surrounded them, not so much air as appearing like something solid, like armor only in a gigantic sphere around them.

  
_Merlin was shielding them!_

  
As Arthur watched closer, he saw a fierce determination in Merlin's eyes that he couldn't help but feel proud of. No matter how much magic Merlin had showed him, no matter how much Merlin surprised him day in and day out, no matter what... Merlin never ceased to inspire awe in him.  
  
Suddenly the feeling of awe was quickly crushed as a tremendously strong wave of pure energy -for it could be nothing else- slammed into Arthur and the knights and they found themselves flying backwards, literally, feet of the ground, body thrown through the air and landing in a painful heap quite a distance away.

  
Despite the pain, Arthur struggled, upwards creaking limbs and all, as panic settled into his stomach. For he knew that magic, felt its desire to protect. Another one of Merlins' quirks, his emotions were so tied to his magic or perhaps the other way around, that those affected by his magic could sometimes feel whatever Merlin was feeling at that time.  
Merlin has pushed them back just now, thrown them back and for Merlin to cause harm,  _any _harm to either of them meant that they were in serious danger. Arthur could barely see Merlin as the fire that so eagerly spread away earlier, suddenly encircled him. The golden shield shimmered oddly as if it were growing dimmer.__

  
_It was failing! _Merlin couldn't hold the shield, the unslaught must be too great.__

  
The dread from earlier revisited Arthurs' stomach, the screams reverberating through his head, pounding on his skull... only this time, this time they weren't imagined.

  
"MERLIN!"

 

 

 

_end for now_


	2. Without restraint, I now witness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot is in awe as he watches Merlin's magic, but that awe soon turns to despair when things turn for the worst. 
> 
>    
> Starts with Lancelot's point of view of the prologue, then continues the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention that this story is a bit AU only because I've altered some events. Uther is dead thus Arthur is the King, but Lancelot is still alive. Since this is fanfiction I can save characters that died in canon and so I'm deciding Lancelot did not die or he came back, whichever you feel more logical. The point is that he is alive.
> 
> Also WARNING: This story will turn a bit more angsty and will deal with torture and suicide attempt and self-hurt. I will of course put a warning on the chapters which have these and I won't go into details about it. However that doesn't mean it cannot trigger memories. So anyone who is sensitive about these subjects or at risk of being triggered, think carefully before you read. I won't go into too severe a detail, but it will still be angsty and possibly triggery.
> 
> Those who decide to read anyhow, thank you and I hope you'll enjoy.

Lancelot was one of the first people to witness Merlin's magic. One of the first people who could potentionally end Merlin's life with only a few words. But Merlin was his friend and had stood by him and had done nothing but help others. He had seen Merlin's heart before anything else he discovered about him. So when he bore witness to Merlin's magic all that time ago, he had not felt even a shred of fear of him. Merlin had saved him from what would surely have been his death and he'd done it without a thought for his own safety. If the spell hadn't worked, or Lancelot had not been so kind, or if anyone else has _seen_!

Over the years he'd been witness to many occassions of Merlin using his magic. Always he'd tried to protect his friend, help him distract Arthur and anyone else who did not know and could not know yet. Every single occassion Lancelot had been in awe about Merlin's magic, his control, his ingenuity. He didn't think Merlin could surprise him anymore with magic, for he'd witnessed so much of it already. How wrong he was.

Merlin's display of magic right here and now had him all but quaking in his boots. Not because he feared Merlin, but simply because of the sheer power that could be felt. He'd known Merlin was powerful and had heard of the prophecy of the druids and had no doubt Merlin was indeed the Emrys they believed him to be. But never had he truly witnessed the power of Emrys, he now realized. Always needing to be careful, always looking over his shoulder, always thinking how best to help yet not draw attention. Merlin had always used his magic with a certain restraint.

That restraint was gone now. His magic known and accepted, Merlin could use it as he needed to its full power and he did not hold back. Lancelot finally saw Merlin, saw Emrys rise in front of him as Merlin braced the inferno without hesitation or a thought for himself. Lancelot's skin crackled with the magic surrounding them and he could feel the heat of the flames as they crashed into Merlin's hand and stopped advancing. His gasp was mirrored by the other knights beside him. If anyone ever had any doubt of Merlin's loyalty, or his courage, Lancelot would wish them to see him standing here now. The look on Merlin's face, that strong determination to stop the flames, to protect those behind him, would even have convinced Uther Pendragon, had he been fortunate enough to witness it.

The next few moments happened so fast Lancelot could barely recognise what was happening. One moment they were standing in awe witnessing Merlin's shield, for that was the only thing he could think to name it, the next he and his fellow knights and Arthur were blown back by a powerful wave of magic. The fierce feeling of protecting accompanied the wave and Lancelot knew it was Merlin's magic. Merlin had all but shoved them back feeling he needed to put more space between himself and them and that could only mean one thing. Merlin couldn't hold the shield!

Lancelot saw, with fear curling in his stomach, as the fire surrounded his friend and the magic shield, the protective bubble started to fade. Merlin screamed then and it was the most horrifying thing he'd ever heard. Merlin in pain was something so unnatural, went against everything they believed. Merlin may be the most powerful of them all, but he invoked a strong desire to protect him in the knights and Arthur.

It was Arthur's scream that broke through his stunned state and soon he found himself and his fellow knights screaming along for what else could they do. They were powerless to do anything and even as Merlin screamed with the flames burning his skin, Lancelot knew he would find the strength to keep them all back, to keep them away from harm even if that meant his own death.

"MERLIN!"

 

 

Merlin blocked out everything that went on around him. His entire focus was on the flames slowly encircling him and his shield flickering in and out of existence unable to bear the toll of the raging inferno. Yet still Merlin kept pushing more of his magic, forcing it from deep inside him, knowing it to be there. Oh it would hurt, terribly so, to push his own boundaries, but he wasn't Emrys for not. He  _could_ do this and he  _would_. There was nothing holding him back now, he was free to use his entire strength and he would not fail Arthur now. He'd used this much power before, but even then with Arthur not present or unconscious -free to use his magic to its full extend- there was always a nagging fear, always a barely existent restraint. What if Arthur found him? What if Arthur woke up? It had never happened, but the fear had been there. Now no such fear existed. The only fear Merlin felt was the fear that Arthur would rush forward into the flames and he could not let it happen.    

The pain suddenly assaulted him and he knew he had to act soon or he would perish where he stood. Merlin couldn't help his screams from ripping free, and guilt clawed at him knowing how much his screams would hurt his friends. But he couldn't think about them now, couldn't let himself get distracted. The flames burned his skin, his clothing mixing together with his skin. Arthur's scream nearly tore at Merlin's focus, filtering through the silence he'd created around himself. Without a conscious thought Merlin forced part of his magic behind him creating an invisible barrier to keep him back, to keep Arthur from harm. He vaguely heard the knights join Arthur's screams for him but he could not spare them another thought for he could feel his life force slipping away, his muscles weakening, his legs all but buckling beneath him unable to keep his weight much longer. Merlin focused deep inside him. He called upon his magic, felt it wrap itself around him and with a final terrible scream he unleashed what was left of his magic.

The blast that spread through the woods was powerful enough to uproot several trees, sprawl the knights and Arthur flat on the ground the air pushed out of their bodies and pressing into them almost painfully. But it also did what Merlin intended. The flames all but extinguished from the sheer force, Merlin could hear the terrible screeches of the creature that had brought forth the flames. Birdlike body with red eyes, no bigger than a human.The wyvern struggled to get up, screeching and growling. Smoke rose from its skin and the smell of burned flesh was pungent in the air. It still lived, but was unable to do any harm.

Relieve rushed through Merlin at the knowledge that Arthur was safe, that his friends were safe and it seemed that was all the incentive his body needed as he suddenly collapsed and fell face-down into the charred ground beneath him. 

 

 

Quiet footsteps walked slowly through the charred remains of the woods. Though not as charred as if fire had passed through, there was still quite some damage to this small part of the woods. Big and small trees lay uprooted on the ground while some others had broken in half. A small patch of the forest floor looked burned, black and lifeless. Upon that patch lay a young man with raven-black hair, face-down and appearing dead. But he knew better. This young man was what he'd never thought he'd ever see in his life. A myth among his people, a bedtime story to sooth or excite children. The great Emrys of prophecy. Who knew such an insignificant looking boy, a servant to a king, was the greatest sorcerer to ever grace the world. 

A pitiful cry drew his attention to his right and he looked in disgust upon his wyvern, scraping on the forest floor trying to stand up. It was severely wounded and would not survive much longer. Emrys had surely done him in good. He glanced over to the unconscious knights and their king and as much as he wished to finish Arthur Pendragon, he had something more important in mind. He stepped towards his wyvern and cast a light healing spell. Enough to sustain the creature for now. If he felt like it, he might heal him further when he had the time. 

"Kill them, then return to me!" He ordered his beast, before walking over the Emrys and lifting him onto his horse. "Your power is no longer a myth" he whispered to an unconscious Emrys, a smile on his face. "I will have it for myself!" 

The wyvern struggled to its feet as its master rode off at a fast pace. Slowly it turned towards the unconscious bodies in the distance and let out a low growl.  _Kill them_ , he'd been told. The blood rushing in his head, the wyvern sprang forward intend to do as it was instructed. It leaped forward intending to pounce on the first body and sinking its claws into the soft flesh when suddenly strong jaws enveloped it before it could land and pain tore through its body as whatever had grabbed him, bit down hard. Its body folded in on itself, broken and ripped in half and tumbled on the ground a short distance from the oblivious humans. 

Kilgharrah landed looking around but not finding what he was looking for. Arthur was safe as were his knights, but where was Merlin? He'd heard his dragonlord's call, although not meant for him, he'd still heard it. He guessed Merlin had attempted to command the wyvern he'd just killed, but he knew it must not have worked since it tried to kill Arthur. It was a disturbing riddle. Wyvern, though not dragons were descended from dragons. A dragonlord should have no trouble controlling them. Kilgharrah felt the magic in the air, the remains of a terrible battle and he felt Merlin's presence in the magic strongly. But his kin was not here and he could not sense him anywhere. It was as if he'd vanished from his senses. 

_I will find you, Merlin, my kin._ With his vow strong in his heart and mind, Kilgharrah took to the sky once more, intend on finding his missing dragonlord.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay there is one thing I might need some help with. I need a good reason for _why _Merlin couldn't fully withstand the raging inferno. Why his shielding failed. I'm thinking maybe he was already injured or maybe exhausted form something, but I just don't know why or how... so if anyone has a good idea please let me know.__
> 
> Also I know it is said wyvern do not breath fire and seem incapable of magic like dragons, but there is a reason why the wyvern in my story can.
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> 
> _  
> _Hope you enjoyed the chapter.__  
> 


	3. Divided Loyalties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the battle and Merlin is missing.

Leon was the first of the knights to awaken and if he'd known what was going to happen, he would have wished he hadn't. The first thing he noted was his surroundings, or rather the destruction around him. Young trees had been completely uprooted from the earth, whereas the older and stronger trees had refused to move and had instead been cut in half leaving only a reasonable stump still stuck in the forest floor. Leon had no doubt this was Merlin's doing whether intentional or not, probably the latter. He had felt that incredible wave of magic and it nearly suffocated him for a moment. There was no doubt in his mind that Merlin's magic had done this and he knew the gentle servant would most likely feel great remorse at the damage he inadvertently had caused. Merlin had a tendency to care too much for the most incredulous things and beings and it more often than not brought confusion and slight frustration to Arthur.

 

Arthur!

 

Leon immediately turned around spotting all the other knights still unconscious and finally, there Arthur lay. He had been the closest to Merlin and that realisation made Leon hurry to his king even faster. Leon kneeled down beside his king. He lay on his back with his face slightly turned to the side. His chest rose steadily though and Leon breathed out the relieve he had no idea had been building inside him. "Arthur?" He gently shook him but got no response. "Sire!" A little louder but still nothing. He wasn't too worried though. The others hadn't awoken yet either and considering the blast that had knocked them out, it was to be expected that it might take a while.

 

Instead Leon quickly checked on his fellow knights and it was then that he noticed for the first time what was wrong. He felt guilt tear at his insides at his inattentiveness. Merlin was nowhere to be found. All he found was a small patch of scorched earth, indented due to a body having lain there, except there was no body now. Merlin could not have left on his own and even if he could have, he'd never leave them behind. If he himself and the knights had been knocked out so severely, Leon was certain Merlin would be in even worse shape having actually cast the magic. Besides he'd seen Merlin collapse before from magic exhaustion, as Gaus had called it. It was both shocking as humbling to witness because it always made him realize, firstly at how powerful Merlin truly was to cast magic strong enough to all but knock him on his ass and secondly, no matter what it did to himself, Merlin always came through, always protected Arthur, Camelot, all of them. That he would go through such great lengths for any of them was one of the most humbling things Leon had ever witnessed.

 

Further inspection of the area -while still in sight of his unconscious comrades- showed no trace of anything. It was like something snatched Merlin out of thin air. The very real possibility of that made Leon shudder. His gaze momentarily turned towards the broken and bloody carcass a little distance away. The creature was dead, _by the gods!_ it was dead. How though was the strange part. It seemed almost bitten in half, its body collapsed in on itself and blood was everywhere. Whatever had taken its life, Leon surely hoped it wasn't around anymore and wouldn't come back.

 

An aggravated grumble caught his attention and the lean form of Sir Gwaine started to awkwardly stir. His butt came up first as he leaned on one of his elbows. His other hand immediately grabbed his head and he let out a painful sounding groan. " What the hell got me?" Leon would have laughed at the sight if the situation wasn't as dire. Instead he simply opted to aid Gwaine to his feet. A mumbled thank you was all Gwaine said to Leon before he turned around and observed the area and came upon the horrible realization that Leon had just a short while ago. Merlin was not here.

"Merlin! Merlin?!"

Leon winced inwardly at every shout, not because it was loud and could possibly alert everything and everyone nearby of their presence, but because he knew Gwaine would not get a response. The shouting stopped when Gwaine's eyes found the bloody carcass. The world seemed to freeze for a few moments, before Gwaine walked towards the carcass and kneeled beside it. Before Leon could ponder his fellow knights peculiar fascination with the thing, Gwaine spoke up. "This was a wyvern, I think."

"A what?"

Without looking away from the broken wyvern, Gwaine waved Leon over as he carefully reached out towards a particular nasty piece of flesh that was completely black. "Don't touch that!" Leon had come closer but refused to get within ten feet of the remains. How Gwaine could stand to be so close was beyond him and now he was trying to touch it!? Was he out of his mind?! "It's been burned," Gwaine commented, completely ignoring Leon's warning. He touched the blackened flesh -Leon shouted at Gwaine as he reached foreward to try and stop him but was too late. Gwaine touched the black flesh and immediately it crumbled to dust.

"Wha..what does that mean?" Leon hesitated asking.

"It means Merlin got to it."

Before Leon could even think of what to do next, Gwaine suddenly rushed to his feet and started shouting Merlin's name frantically as he sped across the clearing. Leon noticed the others knights were stirring, probably from Gwaine's shouting, and attempted to gain his erratic friend's attention. "Gwaine! Gwaine stop shouting! He's not here!"

Gwaine abruptly turned around fixing Leon with a terrible glare. "What do you mean? Do you know where he is?!" Gwaine didn't give Leon time to answer as he approached and all but seized the knight by his tunic. "Where is Merlin?!"

Leon shoved Gwaine hard before snapping back. "I don't know where Merlin is." Leon turned away from Gwaine -missing the concern washing over him at the realization that Merlin, his best friend, was missing- and approached the other knights as they struggled to get on their feet. 

"Is everyone alright?" It was the first thing Lancelot said as he stood unsteadily on his own two feet, rubbing his head from what must be a terrible headache. Leon intended to answer him but his focus was on Arthur who ahd yet to show any signs of stirring. Lancelot followed his gaze and worry filled his gut. Arthur, their king, was still unconscious and looking rather pale.

"We should take him back to Camelot." Leon announced to his fellow knights. "He may be hurt worse than we thought. He was closest to Merlin afterall."

"We are not leaving here." All the knights turned confusedly to where Gwaine stood, his tone of voice having been close to a threat. "Merlin is missing." It was all he said to explain his reason, but it did was he wanted. Concern showed clearly on the other knights' faces as they looked around the clearing and found no Merlin. They did see the carcass and blanched at the sight. "I'm not leaving here without Merlin."

Leon felt his patience running thin. He so did not have the time for this. "Arthur is hurt and we have no idea where Merlin is or where to start looking. I am the senior knight and I say we are returning to Camelot, now." If Leon had hoped Gwaine would bow to his authority he was horribly mistaken, a  mistake he should have seen coming after working with Gwaine for so long.

"To hell with your seniority! I'm not going anywhere!"

"Sir Gwaine! Your duty is to your king!" Leon responded as steadily as he could without letting anger wash over his words. Gwaine glared fiercely at him, his answer clear. No way! "Arthur is priority right now." 

"To hell with priority. Merlin is my best friend!"

"Sir Gwaine, you are stepping close to treason!"

"I don't care! I don't care about priority or royalty or my knighthood! I refuse to leave Merlin behind and if you cannot accept that, so be it." Gwaine rested a hand on the hilt of his sword as if he were expecting the need to fight.

"Please, let's calm down before anyone does something they'll regret." Lancelot went unheard as blood rushed through both men's ears, their gazes never leaving the other. Leon took a step closer to Gwaine.

"I understand that Merlin is your friend, but he wouldn't want Arthur's life risked for himself." If Leon thought to placate Gwaine he was mistaken. Before he had the chance to understand why Gwaine looked ready to kill him, said knight had hit him hard before reaching for him again and shoving him against the nearest and largest tree stump left in the near vicinity.

"Don't you DARE use Merlin against me!"

Lancelot and Elyan darted forward before the two knights came even more to blows. As stunned as Leon appeared from the surprise attack, his own temper was clearly visible on his face and shaking body. Lancelot grabbed Gwaine as Elyan forced his ahnds away from Leon. Elyan stationed himself in front of Leon whiel Lancelot dragged Gwaine away who was still shouting at Leon. Lancelot knew how Gwaine felt. He wanted to find Merlin just as badly. He was his first real friend, the same went for Gwaine. Losing Merlin in any way was a pain that could not be described by either of them. But Lancelot also knew that being one of Arthur's closests knights, to be a knight of his round table, that meant more than just protecting Camelot and its king. People looked up to them in more ways than one. If the king was out of commission it was up to them to act accordingly to the code of conduct and as much as it hurt to realize, the king came first.

"Guys! Come here!"

Percival interrupted the raging battle drawing all of their attention when they realized he was kneeled beside Arthur. Leon rushed forward followed closely by Elyan. Lancelot dragged Gwaine along who despite putting up a vision of reluctance was clearly worried if the concern on his face was anything to go by. Percival showed the blood on his fingers as the knights gathered round, then gently turned Arthur's head to reveal the small stone beneath his head. Leon gasped as guilt flooded his very being. how had he not noticed this when he checked on him!

"This is bad. He needs to get to Gaius right away." Silence met Leon's announcement. Everyone straightened up and looked at Gwaine who stubbornly crossed his arms as he tried to hide his worry for Arthur. "Gwaine you must see reason. The situation is most dire now."

"I do understand, but I can't. Merlin is my first priority and last I checked there are five of us. Arthur doens't need five knights to get back to Camelot."

"Gwaine, we can send search parties from Camelot."

"And by then all traces of Merlin will be gone."

"There are not traces to begin with!" Leon snapped angrily.

"Stop, guys. This isn't helping."

"Listen," Lancelot began. "Arthur does need to get to Gaius as soon as possible and it's true that it doens't require all of us to get him there. And Leon, you may not have found any trace of Merlin nearby, but that doens't mean there aren't any. Why don't I stay here with Gwaine and you three get Arthur back to Camelot and send search parties back here to help us find Merlin."

Silence reigned for a moment before Leon agreed. It was better than standing here argueing while Arthur lay wounded on the ground. The three knights quickly readied their horses who had luckily not bolted too far from the clearing and carefully positioned Arthur before Leon on the horse. Leon nodded once to both Lancelot and Gwaine before galloping away flanked by Percival and Elyan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if wyverns are common knowledge and I don't remember if the knights all know what one is, but for the sake of the story I'm going with that not everyone knows and as wrong as I may be, in this story Leon doesn't know what a wyvern is.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so out of the blue I'm sort of putting together a plot and it's going to get a little bit angstier an darker than what this little one-shot first inspired, but I'll try and keep it in this same rating. If neccessary I will up the rating.
> 
> Though I've got a plot now sort of, I still would enjoy suggestions if anyone has any and is willing to spring them on me. Perhaps I might write them anyway for you if I can find the time. Till next time I update. Thanks for reading!


End file.
